Leggy DOES look nice in a dress
by writingpikachu
Summary: Merry, Pippin and the gang are all in a gifted school club who hang out in form period. That is, until Aragon decides to leave unless the gang get him another date... I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT! ALSO CONTAINS YAOI, but the clean stuff. T for jusT in case
1. Chapter 1

Pippin Took looked at his watch. He was going to be late for the Gondor meeting! And he wouldn't want to miss a frat meeting even if Miss Galadriel was changing in the hallway (he would go and bring the other guys to watch).

He ran down the hallway to the Gondor's classroom. As he passed, he saw his frat brother Aragon with his girlfriend Arwen. He sighed as they made out – sooner or later, there was always going to be a drama with them. Arwen wanted Aragon to drop the fraternity – she said it was for 'sad fags with no social lives other than gaming and parcheezi'. He had to disagree; the only gay person there was Leggy – he and Merry had a bromance blooming, but that didn't mean they oogled the first pretty girl that came by.

As he could see, they were intensely making out. Aragon might just be getting some tonight, Pippin thought happily as he watched the scene unfold.

"So are you going to or not?" he was disappointed as Arwen pulled away and opened her big fat mouth. "You need to leave that dump; that club's for fags and skitzos."

"Arwen, they're my friends – I can't turn my back on them," Muscular, handsome Aragon sighed. Pippin couldn't help but pull a Leggy and smile to himself as the older male's back rippled (God, Legolas PINED for him, it was almost funny to watch). "We'll see OK?"

"Aragon, I can't be seen dating someone who hangs out with idiots," Arwen snapped. "Did you SEE that Perry and Pimpkin manhandling each other?" But, as she saw his reaction, she pulled away. "You're one of them aren't you?" Pippin huffed his chest out – it was Pippin, bitch. Short for Peregrin!

"Arwe-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" the girl ran off. Pippin scowled. He hated that bitch – she was ungrateful, whiny (even whinier than Leggy; at least Leggy was cool) and worst of all, she thought he was the CUTEST thing that ever crawled out of their Gondor rock. She was always pinching his cheeks whenever they walked by each other – one of these days she just might rape him.

"Pip?" Crap. Aragon had seen him, and was walking towards him. He had nowhere to run, so he smiled his cutest smile. He was three years his senior – maybe he might think he was being cute. "C'mon, let's go" slinging an arm around him, Aragon led him to their classroom.

They entered the room. Everyone else was there – Merry, his best friend and together they were the best scientific pranksters in the school; Sam Gamgee, math whiz; Gimli, the top drama student, Frodo, the top journalist; and Legolas, the top artist in the school. Technically, the Gondor gang were only the elite set of their school. They had one period together – the normal kid's form period – and this was it. As for himself and Aragon, Aragon was the top athlete in the males, beating most of the teachers as well. Little Frodo, who had a tendency to talk too much and be annoying the others in any way possible, however was a beast at photography, with a tiny slim camera usually in his pocket.

"Guys, I'm thinking," Aragon stated. "I can't hang out with you guys anymore,"

"WHY?" Everyone yelled, Leggy yelling the loudest from his easel in the corner. When the shouting died down, he went back to painting his picture of a kitten.

"Well, Arwen's saying she'll only go out with me if I leave," he shrugged. "And since I don't get dates that often -"

'Liar,' Pippin thought. How could he leave? Arwen was such a bitch – she didn't deserve him! He looked at Legolas, who was painting with a bit more vigour than usual. The poor guy was going to be devastated if he left.

"…so either that or get me a new date" he chuckled. Legolas looked up hopefully.

"WE WILL!" Everyone chorused with determination.

"_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind_" Gimli mused, looking like he had been snorting crack. Well, almost – he had been drinking the wine he and Merry had made in Biology. Aragon looked at it closely, narrowing his eyes. For some reason it was green –despite the fruit they made it from originally being orange 'rafiki passion fruit' – something Merry had brought back with him from his trip to Africa.

"GIMLIIIIII!" Pippin shrieked. "DID YOU CHUG ALL THE WINEE?"

"_Hic," _Gimli burped

"GIMLIIII!"

"OK guys," Sam banged the gavel he was holding on a desk. "We need to get Aragon a date. A real looker,"

"Yeah, they need to be artistic too," Merry mused.

"Guys-" Pippin started

"And they need to get on with all of us" Frodo agreed

"Guys-"

"AND NEED TO LOVE SKAKESHPEAA!" Gimli hiccupped.

"Guys-"

"AND PONNIIIIEEEESSSH AND UNICORNNNSSS!"

"GUYS!" Pippin banged his hand on the table

"What?" Sam looked annoyed that he couldn't smack his doink-doink.

Pippin didn't say anything, only pointing to the feminine, artistic Legolas who was painting a picture of Shakespeare riding a white pony. They all looked at each other with wide grins.

"How would Leggy look in a skirt?" Merry murmured.

Hope you liked it! I know, I don't really like Arwen to be honest, but if you don't like the plot (for whatever reason) review and I'll try improve it ^^"


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't know," Legolas looked doubtful. "I don't think Aragon goes for guys,"

"But you're so girly you count as a girl!" Sam protested. "Wait… that came out wrong."

"But it's true!" Pippin piped up. "Professor Gandalf thinks so, when he comments on your tights, I swear you have an actual legit vagina man…"

"They're leggings," Leggy pouted, looking disinterested now. "Do you mind?" he turned to start working on the mane of Shakespeare's pony.

"Leggy, you don't want Aragon to leave, do you?" Sam tried again.

Leggy ignored him

"Well, think about it this way – we all know you want him," Merry added. Leggy's eyebrow rose. "And with Pippin and my expertise on girls"

"What," Legolas snorted; Sam suppressed a laugh and Gimli burst out laughing.

"OK, Maybe not US," Merry backtracked. "But I admit, I've seen Frody over here thumbing through the odd Seventeen,"

"I like the photos they take," Frodo put his hands up, blushing. "But Leggy, we know you really like him…" his eyes widened and a puppy pout came on. "You don't want Arwen to win, do you?" His baby blue eyes quivered with tears.

"NOOOOO," Leggy sighed. "Frodo, please don't puppy eye meee!" Frodo kept his look going at full blast. "…fine." He glared at them. "If this goes wrong, you're all posing as Avatars for my next painting,"

"I LIKE LOINCLOTTTHHHSS!" Gimli was still laughing at Merry and Pippin being experts on girls

"OK, it's settled then," Frodo smiled and took Legolas' hand. "We'll do our best to make you as available to Aragon then," he gave a little baby's gurgle. "We can't go wrong!"

RRIINNNNG! The bell sounded for the end of lunch. They then proceeded to go to their classes – Frodo had journalism, Legolas had art, Gimli had drama, and Merry and Pippin had chem, with none other than their favorite teacher, Professor Gandalf.

As Merry and his best friend walked to class, he briefly thought of dressing good old Legolas up in a dress – his hair could be cascading down his back like a golden waterfall, and his sapphire blue eyes could-

"DUDE!" Pippin smacked him one on the head. "Were you even listening to what I said?"

"Erm…" Merry mumbled. "Rafiki passion fruit?"

"That was AGES ago," Pippin rolled his eyes. "C'mon we're gonna be late for class." Merry snorted elegantly behind one hand and replied: "We're ALWAYS late for class…"

"OI WHO DARE ENTER THE DOMAIN OF-"

"Cut the crap Smeagol and let us pass." Merry said importantly as they arrived at a door to the next hallway, Pippin scratched his nose irritably and called out: "We're gonna be late for class bogeyface. Let us pass unless you want Legolas's paintbrushes shoved up your lower virginal orifice where none normally venture."

"Unless gay." Merry reminded his friend. Pippin agreed: "Yeah, unless your gay and you like the big meat." The two heard the smaller skinnier teen mutter monotonously in his hiding place. There was a hiss and the door opened.

"HALT! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! ...ON SECOND THOUGHT WHERE ARE YOUR HALLPASSES!"

Pippin and Merry groaned simultaneously as they turned around to see none other than their chemistry teacher Professor Gandalf himself standing behind them in his manky robes and his walking stick.

"Sup Old Codger? You know what, how about we show you our wares?"

Pippin began but Merry cut him off: "No no sir, in fact why don't you listen to us sing? I have a lovely voice you know! THERE'LL BE BLUEBIRDS OVER THE WHITE CLIFFS OF..."

"DOVER"

Merry inwardly sighed with relief as Pippin as always came to his rescue. He in reality sucked at singing and couldn't hold tune to save his life and sucked even more at making up a song. Plastering a very cheesy grin on his face Merry elbowed Pippin.

"Well it was nice meeting you old chap. Really good stuff old bean."

With that the two friends sprinted off down the hallway only to skid to a halt. Pippin stared at Merry.

"What?"

Merry asked intelligently , Pippin cringed, "We have Chem next! SHIT!" Merry paled and then said: "I hope we have a sub!"

"Why would we have a sub after meeting our teacher doofus?"

"…Dunno! RUN"

With that the two friends dashed off to their chemistry class.

"No fucking way…"

There was a sub. And a hot one too – Miss Galadriel was sitting in Professor Gandalf 's chair, her feet upon the demonstration table as she thumbed through a copy of _Vogue._

"Sweet!" Merry and Pippin sidled into their regular seats, until Pippin stopped dead in his tracks

"Merry!" he hissed. "Look!" he pointed to the Vogue magazine. On the cover, in large print, were '10 GREAT WAYS TO BE GREAT IN BED!'

"Oh yeah…" Merry smiled. "I bet Miss Galadriel does all of those…"

"Not that, dumbass, THAT!"Pippin smacked him one on the head and pointed. Looking more closely, Merry then noticed the 'FOOLPROOF WAYS TO GET YOUR BEST GUYFRIEND INTO YOU!'

"Aww," he whined. "But I want to see the great in bed article…"

"DUDE!" Pippin threw a textbook at him. "C'mon, let's go,"

They made their way to the teacher as gracefully as possible, both putting on their puppydog faces (Well, Merry's was more of a bulldog's)

"HAI MISS GALADRIEL," Pippin banged his elbows on the desk and kicked up a foot. "I read that issue too!"

"Pippy!" Miss Galadriel smiled at them. "So you read these?"

"Well yeah," he murmured tentatively, dropping his gaze. "But then I lost my copy – I'm still really sad about it…" tears filled his eyes, as laughter filled up in Merry. This was a drama performance Gimli would be proud of!

"Ohh dear!" The teacher pinched his cheeks. "Don't cry, sweetie! I'm sure you'll find it!"

"I don't think so," Merry cut in, putting an arm around Pippin's shoulder. "See, he left it at the vets when they had to put down his dog,"

"And when we went back for it, another doggie had chewed it up," Pippin sniffled.

"Oh Pippy!" Miss Galadriel gave him a hug. "Here, take mine!" she thrust the magazine to him. "No more tears, your dog wouldn't want that!"

"N-no," he mumbled. "T-thank you," tears still brimmed at his eyes.

"It's ok, that's an old issue anyway," she smiled. "Now back to your seat and no more crying!"

"OK," he quickly turned, magazine in hand, and ran back. Merry grinned gratefully to the teacher and followed.

"OK, the first thing in this magazine says to be fierce and aggressive, as well as make the first move," Merry read aloud. "Then surprise him with wine and roses,"

"OI! ARE YOU READING THE GREAT IN BED ARTICLE AGAIN?" Pippin snatched the magazine and hit him with it. "Here's what you do: dress in a more feminine manner," they eyed Legolas, who was sketching in his notebook.

"Leggy…" they walked up, whistling nonchalantly. Then they grabbed him and stripped him down to his white boxers with pink hearts and analyzed his form.

"Alright, let's start with…" They dressed him as quickly as a Barbie doll. "Sweet! Strut that ass, Leggy!"

"I hate you guys so much for this," Legolas reluctantly walked down the Gondor classroom. As he walked, Pippin couldn't help but wolf whistle as the older male flaunted the bad-boy look, complete with them having styled his hair into a huge-ass Elvis quiff. Then they stripped him down to his boxers again, deciding on a new look - this time the athletic football player - and when he modelled it the boys collapsed in laughter. Then from cowboy, to cowGIRL; sailor boy to Sailor Moon; there wasn't anything that really suited good old Leggy.

"He does have nice legs for a dress, though" Pippin watched him strut around in a princess dress. "But... it's just not right!"

"I know what you mean," Merry nodded wisely. "...I KNOW! DRESS HIM LIKE THIS!"


	3. Chapter 3

Aragon quickly dashed into the school – he JUST made it! As he walked into the hallway he saw a pretty girl by Legolas's locker. 'Strange,' he thought. 'I thought Leggy doesn't go for girls…' As he checked her out, he noted her cascading waist length blonde hair, the white dress shirt, her tartan skirt and- wait. Nope. He'd recognize those paint spattered leggings anywhere. She was a he – to be precise, she was Leggy in a skirt.

"Legolas?" he squinted. The teenager turned around, a hopeful smile on his face. "Dude, what's with the skirt?"

"Um, it's…" Legolas looked around for Merry and Pippin, only to see Merry rolling on the floor, his jacket on fire, and Pippin running after him with a fire extinguisher. "Burns day?"

"Oh yeah," Aragon nodded. "I didn't know you were Scottish" he grinned. "But I like the skirt – it shows you off nicely, mate"

Legolas had the decency to blush, and smiled shyly.

"I'll see you at Gondor?" Aragon asked. Leggy nodded and watched him go. God, that was embarrassing – where were Merry and Pippin when you needed them?

"Sorry about that," Merry walked up behind him, still smoking partially. "You talked to him?"

"Good, I guess," Legolas shrugged. "But it's a good thing you're not fairy godmothers,"

"Eh? Whyzat?" Pippin came after them, having thrown the fire extinguisher somewhere.

"You're timing's the absolute WORST!"

"Not my fault I caught fire…" Merry grumbled mutinously

"OI! WHO PUT THIS FIRE EXTINGUISHER HERE?"

"Gotta go," Pippin dragged his best friend off with him. "See you in Gondor!"

*INSERT COOL POV TRANSITION HERE*

"Hey Leggy," Legolas looked up from his sketch of Aragon riding a Pegasus. "What d'you think we should do?" Frodo asked him

"About what?"

"Weren't you listening to Sam?" Frodo pouted. "All the clubs are supposed to have a charity event in the school fair this year – what should we do?"

"BETS ON WHO'LL ASK WHO TO THE DANCE!" Merry shouted

"NAIL ART STALL!" Pippin yelled back

"MAID CAFEEE!" Gimli's roar beat all of them

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M WITH STUPID!" Merry and Pippin chorused.

"Maid-café…" Sam obediently jotted down their idea. "OK, so we've got bake sale, play, betting stall, nail art, and maid café – who votes for what?"

With that, everyone agreed on maid Café – though Frodo had to be coaxed by the thought of Aragon trying out the maid costume.

"So that's settled then," Sam grinned. "I'll pass the application onto Professor Gandalf, and it should all be in order"

"Cool!" Legolas grinned. "Now I can get back to my work!"

"What are you working on?" Aragon moved over. "You seem really into it – you keep smiling at it,"

"Uh, um," Legolas looked around frantically – how creepy would it be to see you're the centre of a guy's artwork? He looked at his fairy godmothers, who had finally gotten the message.

"I SAY OLD BEAN!" Merry stood on his tiptoes and slung an arm around Aragon, pulling him in the opposite direction. "Leggy's art isn't your cup of tea really,"

"Yes, yes" Pippin joined in. "In fact why don't you hear us sing? I'VE GOT A LURRRVELLY BUNCH OF COCONUTSSSSSS-MMMPPPH!" Merry had just shoved a magazine down his throat.

"Go clean the Gondor closet out, Pip" Merry glared at him.

"OK! Want any of the stuff in there?"

"Just show what you think should be kept" Merry sighed. "Anyway, old chap – you'd rather be thinking of whom to ask for the dance!" Merry went on."Because surely you're not thinking of going with Arwen again?"

"I guess not," Aragon nodded. "I think she's a-"

"Horrible looking tart you should've thrown out years ago?" Pippin waved the mouldy pastry in Aragon's face.

"No, but more of a-"

"Hoe that's gotten way too old to mess around with?" Pippin then handed the tool to Merry.

"As I was saying," Aragon rolled his eyes. "She only really likes me for my-"

"PE-anuts that smell funny?" Pippin held out the bag

"I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE IN A MINUTE PIP!" Merry snapped

"WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?" A voice boomed from outside. Then, Professor Gandalf stormed in, blood on his mankey robes

"Professor!" Pippin squeaked, and he and Frodo put on their prettiest puppy eyes. "Care for a spot of funny-smelling peanuts?"

"I want to talk to you about your choice," Gandalf ignored him and wiped the blood from his nose. "Are all of you doing the Maid Café right?"

"Yes sir,"

"And are all of you dressing in maid costumes?"

"Yes sir"

"Professor?" they turned to see a cheerleader with a large scowl on her face. "Is this really appropriate? I mean, they're BOYS dressing up as GIRLS – how pathetic can that get?"

"Eowyn," Professor Gandalf smiled kindly. "Did Arwen send you on her behalf by any chance?"

"Wh-what would make you think of that!" Eowyn spluttered

"The blood dribbling from your nose, my word stays, boys." Professor Gandalf grinned as more blood gushed from his nose like a water gun. With a calm dignified nod, he walked out of the Gondor classroom, leaving a blood trail behind him.

"I should go – I've got football practice," Aragon quickly left. The other stared after him, then back at Eowyn.

"Eowyn, Eowyn, Eowyn," Sam sat behind her and slammed the door shut. "Why would you want to muck up our plans?"

"I'm-I'm only following orders!" she blushed. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Now, now," Merry grinned deviously at everyone, then back to Eowyn. "We have rules in Gondor – and one of those rules involves spies and enemies,"

"Shall we show our dear guest what these rules involve?" Pippin smirked.

"NO! NO!" Eowyn's eyes widened

"Alright, if you insist," Frodo stood up. "I'll get the torture ready,"


	4. Chapter 4

"Wow, Frodo's been at the torture for almost an hour now," Pippin looked at his watch. "I wonder how she's managed to hold up for so long,"

"Maybe we should check it out," Merry suggested. Pippin agreed at once and they walked into the classroom, where Frodo was happily sitting next to Eowyn, and showing off his collection of the Gondor Gang's holiday photos.

"And this one's a picture of Merry and Pippin pointing at their black pepper curry," He chattered on happily. "And this is a picture of them on the toilet half an hour later," Eowyn chucked the photo to one side. "And this one's a picture of the lunch we ate on the plane – and then this one's a picture of me pointing to the lunch we ate on the plane. Now this one was where Aragorn decided to take us for a bike ride and then that leads to this one, where Leggy fell headfirst into some thistles." He smiled. "And this one's a picture of the car we hired out; that's the left control," he pulled the other photo out. "And this is the right control – Aragorn showed me how to drive, and then Gimli crashed the car which is in this photo." Frodo nodded vigorously. "Also, while we were in China, actually we met this really nice bloke – I think his name was Lee or Pak Choy or something like that,"

"Very interesting…" Eowyn sighed. "I think I just might orgasm,"

"And then this is a picture of him on the toilet in the street," He ignored her comment. "Oh, and if you like these," Frodo pulled another pile of photos out from nowhere. "You should look at our Christmas ones! See? This is a picture of us at our Christmas tree, and then this is a picture of-"

"GO AWAY!" Eowyn shrieked, then burst into tears. Frodo watched silently, his grin now faded.

"Right," Frodo smirked. "Now remember, try mess with our plans again and it'll be a slideshow."

Eowyn, still sobbing, nodded meekly. Then, she gasped out. "I swear, it was all Arwen's doing" she paused. "I like the stuff you do – your bake sales; Gimli's Shakespeare monologues – she's crazy to want him out of your club! She wants her boyfriend to herself!"

"We know, but we want our Gondor buddy back," Merry agreed. "This may be tougher than we expected. At least the maid café's been agreed on; she can't change that,"

"Oh, you don't know her," Eowyn snorted. "She'll go to all costs – she'd even bring a cow to the roof I bet!"

"Been there done that," Pippin shrugged. "I have a buddy who's got his own helicopter. He got the thing down no problem,"

"Still – you should be careful,"

"Well how about this," Pippin suggested. "You be our spy,"

"OK"

"You'll also be our bodyguard," Merry added

"OK,"

"You'll also be my girlfriend!" Frodo cried out.

"HELL NO!" Eowyn smacked him with a photo of Merry and Pippin on the toilet. "Still, I'll be your spy then, and make sure she doesn't get your maid café idea rejected."

"Alright, you're free to go." Eowyn got up and dashed out. Frodo looked on in confusion.

"It worked for the guy with the YouTube account that had two subscribers…" he whined

*INSERT COOL POV TRANSITION HERE*

"Alright this is Longstockings to Fatty Lumpkin, come in Lumpkin," Pippin squawked to his walkie talkie.

"Lumpkin present – wait, why do we need walkie talkies if we're next to each other?" Pippin turned to see Eowyn facing him dead on, and confused looks from the onlookers, especially Aragorn and Arwen.

"Um, um" he looked around. "This is just a test run people," he smiled at them. "We're doing, a- a-"

"EXPERIMENT!" Merry popped up out of nowhere.

"YES!" Eowyn joined in. "We'll be testing…" she looked around and spotted Gimli. "GIMLI!"

"Eh?" he hiccupped.

"YEAH!" Pippin cried. "Eowyn's going to see if his monologues are longer than running around the school seven times!"

"And Pip's going to try that for us!" Eowyn grinned evilly.

Pippin paused.

"Well?" Arwen snapped. "Aren't you going to start running?"

"OYEAH!" Gimli cried. "_To be… or not to be… that is the question…"_

"Oh jeez," Pippin sighed – he was the least athletic of all of them.

"GET GOING!" Eowyn glared at him. With a sigh, he started running.


	5. Chapter 5

LOTR Fanfic Part 5

"LEGGY ARE YOU READY?" Pippin banged on the closet door as Legolas stood in there changing into the maid costume. "COME ON WE'RE ALL DRESSED LIKE THIS TOO!" He adjusted the hem of his frilly black lace skirt.

"I REFUSE TO COME OUT IN THIS!" The wail came out, and Pippin grinned to the others, all also clad in the rather ridiculous maid costume. Gimli looked particularly revolting, especially as his hairy legs made him look more like a wookie in a maid suit.

"COME ON!" Pippin yelled. He pulled the dress off nicely, except he was totally flat. Merry was the exact opposite – he had stuffed his chest to have rather large breasts and pulled it off rather nicely, except for the tissue leaking out as he walked.

"Dude, we can totally hit on the girls today," Merry whispered to his best friend. "They're all at the drink counter – let's go!"

"OK!" Pippin turned back to the closet. "LEGGY YOU BETTER BE OUT OF THERE BY THE TIME WE GET BACK! OTHERWISE YOU'LL BE EATING THOSE PEANUTS THAT SMELL FUNNY!"

With that the two boys ran off. Legolas opened the door a crack and looked out cautiously. There was only Gimli, who was twirling in his wookie/maid suit.

Checking to see only Gimli giving him a thumbs up, Legolas stepped out of the closet and strutted down the classroom towards the mirror with a grin.

"Hey Gimli, there's a cutie over at- whoooooaaa!" Merry walked back in to see Legolas's maid suit. When he let his hair cascade down, it reached his shoulder blades in a shimmery waterfall. His legs, though covered by the white tights of the maid costume, were shown to be stick thin, making even the thinnest model out there jealous. And his face, nobody would believe this was the same Leggy who had paint spattered on his face and hair.

"Excuse me madame," Pippin sidled up to his friend. "Did you just fart?"

"WHAT?" Everyone snorted

"Because you simply BLEW me away!" he grinned. "What?"

"Nothing," Legolas chuckled at the line. "Let's go"

They strutted out in time to 'I'm too sexy' (which Merry had hired Smeagol to play at top volume) down the hallway, attracting the looks of both boys and girls, and trying to step over the puddles of blood from all the nosebleeds.

"LEGGY?" They turned to see Aragon, his arm around Arwen. "Wow, I wish I could strut that suit as well!"

"You should've stayed with us!" Merry piped up, jumping up and down so hard tissue leaked from his bra.

"No really, he shouldn't have," Arwen smiled bittersweetly. "Aragon, let's check out the toy crane – there was a really cute maid doll in there!"

"I see three of those in front of me," he winked at them. "And a wookie, of course," he looked at Gimli, who was drinking a bottle of coke. When he finished, his burp rattled out like a wookie's battle cry.

"LETSH GOOOO!" He suddenly ran full speed ahead to their stall in the sports hall. When they got there, their stall was already being queued up for

"Hey guys!" Sam and Frodo grinned and waved them over. "We've already got a crowd – I think it's thanks to your photo shoots!" He gestured to a picture of Merry and Pippin posing with one knee on the other person's. "I've had to hand out five boxes of tissues to manage the nosebleeds already!"

"I FEEL SO PRETTY!" Pippin squealed. Then, just for the fans, he ran up to Merry and glomped him, and they almost lost their hearing to the shrieks of delight as the crowd gave their approval.

"PROFESSOR GANDALF!" Frodo yelled at the man who was quietly washing his blood stained robes. "YOU'RE LATE IN OPENING THE FAIR!"

"An awesome person is never late, nor early, he arrives precisely when he means to," Gandalf sniffed. "AND NOW OPEN THIS BLOODY THING ALREADY!" He threw his walking stick at the boy.

"PLACES!" Sam instructed them, and they got to one table each, all posing with pretty little smiles. Finally, he opened the line holding everyone back, and they all thundered in to pinch each maid's cheeks.

An hour later they had managed to raise more money than all of the other groups did altogether. As they sat for the speech the Principal Saruman always said to welcome everyone, but Pippin couldn't help but notice his best friend whisper something to Smeagol and slipping five dollars to the teen.

"What was that?" he asked as Merry sat down

"Oh nothing, well, you'll see" he grinned deviously. "Now SHHH!"

"Now everyone, I'd like to thank you all for coming," Saruman intoned monotonously. "And just to say that if there's trouble-"

He was cut off by the sound of a drum roll and soon the hall was blasting to the tune of Rick Astley. Merry rolled over in laughter and started singing along.

"Totally worth the fiver," The look on Principal Saruman's face was priceless, as he quickly murmured 'is this Rick Astley?'

"GUYS!" They turned around to see Sam looking upset and like he had seen Smeagol doing a striptease. "LEGGY FAINTED!"

They all ran to see an unconscious Legolas in Aragon's arms.

"His corset's on way too tightly," Aragon had ripped the strings open. "Let's get him to the nurse," he looked up. "Gimli, Pip and Merry come with me."

"But, but-" Arwen pouted.

"Just do as I say," Aragon put on a manly face as he carried Legolas to the infirmary. Merry had to admit, if Leggy had woken up just then, he would've fainted from the manliness again.


	6. Chapter 6

LOTR Fanfic Part 6

"Is Leggy gonna be ok?" Aragon asked; his eyes full of concern as he asked Rosie the nurse. She had cut the corset off and they waited for Legolas to come around.

"He will be," Rosie nodded. "I must say – Legolas can really take those dreaded things. I passed out myself in one of those one time – and at half the tightness!"

"Good to know…" Merry sighed, looking at his unconscious friend. "You know, I'm going to get some drinks for us,"

"I'll join you," Pippin caught on immediately. "OK so I know what to get" he pointed at Aragon, Legolas and Gimli, still in his wookie suit. "Soda, soda, and a banana!" With that, the duo ran off.

"Hey! I WANT A SODA TOOOOO!" Gimli got up and ran behind them. "I AM NOT AN ANIMALLLLL!"

A pause as they watched the three guys leave, all still dressed as maids.

"Well I don't know how you deal with those boys," Rosie shook her head with a laugh. "But it must be interesting with them in the morning,"

"It definitely is," Aragon smiled. Perhaps he made the wrong choice in leaving the group?

"Well, I've certainly got more injuries to heal," Rosie got up. "When Legolas wakes up, tell him to have those sodas your friends are getting!"

"More like their hitting on girls," he muttered. Nevertheless, the nurse left and he was left to gaze upon the sleeping boy. With his eyes shut, he looked naturally like a girl, and there was a certain kindness to his face that Aragon had never noticed before. Probably because he always had his head stuck in a canvas or other. Wow, even though he had never swung this way… it made more sense.

"Where am I?" he hear Legolas get up. "Aragon?"

"Hey," he smiled. "Glad to see you're ok,"

"OK but my chest hurts," Leggy laughed

"It did look nice though," Aragon paused. "I wish I could've joined you…" he drew a breath. "Leggy, we're friends right?"

"Of course," he frowned. "Why?"

"Well…" Aragon blushed. "It's just… I think I'm going to break up with Arwen,"

"Oh," An awkward pause. "I guess she wasn't the one then," he slowly reached out and patted Aragon's back. "You'll find the right girl someday,"

"That's the thing," He gulped. "I don't think it's a girl…" he drew a breath. "You've been one of my best friends for years – ever since I picked you for my team in football in 4th grade." He smiled. "I never saw anything other than that until now…"

"You," Legolas gasped. "You mean-"

"Yeah," Aragon nodded. "It may seem crazy, but I don't care. So far women have only been bitches to me – and you're the closest thing to a woman that I know so it evens out there," he grinned. "I mean look at your tights!"

"They're leg-" Legolas was cut off by Aragon leaning in and kissing him softly. The kiss was soft, and though Leggy had never been kissed before, it was everything he had imagined – tender, sweet, and the memory would last a lifetime. Even though he was in a maid suit and having been knocked out by a garment, this was still a pretty good school fair.

"a-HEM!" they turned to see Merry holding a microphone. "NO DON'T STOP! I WAS ONLY CLEARING MY VOICE!" he turned to Smeagol. "HIT IT!"

Smeagol did, hitting the CD player so hard it bruised his finger.

"EEEEVERRYY NIGHHHT IN MAIII DREAAAAMSS, I SEE YOUUU I FEEEELLL YOUUUU" Merry wailed into the microphone, causing Smeagol's ears to bleed and for Pippin and Gimli to roll around laughing.

"GIVE ME THAT!" Pippin grabbed the microphone and his soft lofty voice floated down the hallways to the delight of the school. "_Why do birds, suddenly appear?_

_Everytime, you are near  
just like me, they long to be  
close to you…"_

With that, Aragon got up, and held his hand out to Legolas, asking him to dance to Pippin's croons. The blonde did, and they danced slowly in the small room.


	7. Chapter 7

LOTR Fanfic part 7

It was a shock for everyone when Aragon and Legolas walked hand in hand down the hallway the next day. Especially for Arwen and Eowyn, and though Eowyn was nosebleeding silently at the two guys finally being together, Arwen was not as happy, and she stood in their way with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.

"I knew it," she sneered. "You were always the faggy type – to think I dated you!"

"I'd say you enjoyed it when we dated," Aragon replied calmly. "To think I dated YOU!"

"BITCH!" Arwen gasped, and then her slap came so hard Aragon's cheek went bright red. But before the girl could say of her victory, Legolas had come to his lover's rescue.

In retaliation he was going to slap her so hard his fingerprints could be seen on her; but it didn't quite work out. If there was such thing as an award for the worst (or perhaps the best) timing in the world, Pippin would take it home. The poor boy could only watch as his bowl of ramen flew out of his hands and land on Smeagol's head.

"I'M BLIND! I'M BLIIIIND!" Smeagol ran around in circles with the bowl on his head, and then ran slap-bang into Arwen. His flailing then smeared grease all over her shirt and she joined in his chorus of squealing.

"I GO TO SCHOOL WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!" She screamed, and then she ran off down the hallway sobbing.

"Gee, what a drama queen," Legolas rolled his eyes. "Pip, why are you crying too?"

"Y-you-" Tears streamed down Pippin's face. "MY NOODLES!" he sobbed; and the couple could only hug him as compensation.

*INSERT COOL POV TRANSITION HERE*

"Here's to a brilliant fund raising at the fair!" Sam raised his mug of Rafiki Passion Fruit Wine/Juice. "To the maid café!"

"TO THE MAID CAFÉ!" Everyone in the Gondor Gang agreed. "AND TO ARAGON AND LEGGY!"

"Shut up," Legolas blushed. Aragon grinned and wrapped his arm around the blonde's waist.

"Hey guys," Eowyn walked through casually, grabbing a mug of Juice/wine. "By the way, Arwen's vowed revenge for that noodle incident,"

" I think we can take her," they looked at one another

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" Gimli yelled drunkenly, though he only had one sip of the wine/juice.

Speak of the she-devil, Arwen marched in with a smirk/sneer on her lips.

"Well how are the happy couple doing?" if her words were in a speech bubble, they would have flowers all around them.

"We're… good?" Aragon looked at her like she was about to bite one of them.

"And I hope you're not thinking of coming to the school dance, are you?" more flowers, only a nettle slipped in amongst them.

"Y-yes?" Leggy spoke up. Arwen's glare at him was a look of disgust and smugness.

"Well that's a shame!" she threw down her trump card. "I just had principal Saruman declare that in all couples, at least one of the pair must be in a dress."

"YOU MONSTER!" Pippin shrieked, and was barely held back by Gimli and Merry. "FIRST MY NOODLES, NOW THIS?"

"Don't blame me, Pipsqueak" she pinched his cheek with a smirk. "It's all on the paper," she turned and pinned up a sheet of paper that stated what she had just said. "Aragon, it's still not too late for you to ask… someone with a more feminine touch," she smiled sweetly at her ex.

"I'm not asking Frodo!" Aragon put a possessive arm around Legolas's waist. Smeagol then had to endure a gush of blood coming from Eowyn.

"Whatever." She deliberately turned her head so fast that her ponytail whipped Frodo on the cheek. A bright red mark was left and heat waves pulsated from the wound.

"Don't worry about her, she's just like that." Eowyn managed to plug her nose and put a comforting arm around Frodo.

"I'm not," Leggy agreed. "I'm worried about the dance – she's basically letting girls go with girls, or girls go with guys!"

"Not exactly," Merry smirked, and Pippin lit a candle up on his head. "She said they had to wear a dress right?" they looked at one another, and then Merry smacked his friend. "DON'T DO THE CANDLE THING! REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?"

"Right…" Pippin snickered. "Aah, 'Burn's Day'."

"I see where you're coming from, Merry," Sam changed the subject as Legolas gave Pippin a dirty look. "I think we pulled off the maid costume nicely, we can do it again!"

*offstage or whatever this is called XD*

Sorry for such a late update - I've had a lot of trouble with emails, moving, sickness, exams, writer's block, laptop destroyers, sky pirates, land pirates, pirate pirates etc. you get the gist. I promise I'll update more regularly - I now have inspiration! :D


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry it took me a while to put this up guys XD I had my GCSE's and my head was stuck in several textbooks for the past few months XD

But nonetheless: TA-DAA! *insert awesome start music here*

"OHH!" Pippin dropped his prom issue of Seventeen as he heard the noise coming from the room next door. It sounded like a mix of a donkey braying and a pig's orgasm. "OOH GOD, YES!" he glanced at Merry, who then moved on to Gimli, who in turn stared at Sam, who stared at Frodo, who finally gazed at Aragon; who shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE!" They heard Leggy wail from the classroom. "YEAH! YEAH!" another donkey/pig moan. At once, the Gondor Gang got to their feet and burst into the classroom, just as another moan came out. They stood there to see-

"YEAH! YOUR HANDS ARE GODLY!" Legolas screamed as Smeagol gave him a footrub. "Oh hi guys, did I bother you?"

"Slightly," Aragon smirked. "Why are you letting Smeagol touch your feet?"

"Yeah, I thought you said you wouldn't let him touch you with a bargepole," Pippin piped up.

"I know, I know," Legolas put his hands up. "But as you can see, Smeagol here really works magic into your tootsies!" he held up a foot (that surprisingly didn't smell as bad as any of the other gang's feet). "And he's amazing at painting toenails,"

"He did mention something about a foot fetish a little while ago," Merry muttered and the rest of the gang nodded in agreement. "But more importantly, why are you having a pedi in the first place?"

"Duh, the dance!" Leggy rolled his eyes. "Honestly, it's tomorrow and we only got my dress yesterday!"

"At least he's embracing the idea," Sam murmured, raising an eyebrow at Smeagol, who was captivated by the male's slender feet.

Eowyn was the next person to walk into the classroom they had raided, and smirked at Smeagol happily working on Frodo's nails.

"No, Frodo dear," she put a hand on the smaller boy's shoulder. "You should go for a paler pink, although I'm certainly impressed with the work Smeagol did on Pippin's pedi."

"Thanks, Eowyn," Smeagol smiled through slightly blackened teeth. "I can do yours as well if you like-"

"No I'm good," she smiled and turned to the others. "You still haven't told me your plan to get into the dance, you know,"

"All in good time, my dear," Aragon smiled. "I will tell you, though; Leggy and I are attending together,"

"And Pippin's my date!" Merry piped up.

"Because we can't get any other dates" Pippin added.

"I'm taking Frodo," Sam looked up from his textbook. "And I have no intention of donning a dress again,"

"But you really worked the maid suit!" Frodo protested.

"You worked it better," Sam turned to his best friend. "And you're the one getting the manicure."

"True," Frodo gave a smug look and turned back to Smeagol. "I think Eowyn's right about the pink, I do like it."

"That's because you like everything pink!" Merry snorted. They all turned to a squealing Aragon.

"Sorry…" he mumbled, starting to blush. "It's just… I… like p-pink too."

Pippin and Gimli roared in laughter as Gimli read the Seventeen magazine and Pippin braided Gimli's hair. "Aah, we love you bro,"

"We certainly do," Legolas blushed. "Oh, I can't wait for the dance! Everyone remember who was wearing what dress?"

"Yes!"

"Good, it'll be the night of our lives!"


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry this took a while again ^^" this is probs the penultimate chapter as i have IB which is killing me slowly. BEWARE BITS OF RUMPUS, RANDOMNESS AND BOYISH TOMFOOLERY! But yeah, enjoy OwO

*insert cool transition here*

"Pippin?" Pippin looked up to see Aragon smiling at him in a suit. "I just want to say, thank you all for planning this – but only you would have had the brains to carry it out."

"It wasn't me entirely," Pippin mumbled

"Well, you're very smart when you're not thinking about food, you know" Aragon patted his back. "For being a brilliant friend, you have my sword"

With that, he pinned a diamond sword brooch onto the bodice of Pippin's sweet pale blue frock.

"Oh, we're doing that now?" Leggy emerged from thin air. He looked very girly and ravishing in the pale pink floor length gown. "Also, Pip, you have my bow"

With that, he stuck a navy blue bow hair pin in Pippin's curly hair.

"AND MY AXE!" Gimli shrieked, running into the room with a can of body spray, running wild with it and sending giant clouds of manly smell all around the room.

"GIMLI! GO GET DRESSED!" Pippin wheezed as he emerged from the gas-cloud. "Ooh, now I smell manly!"

"Finee…." The drama student exited and came back wearing a bright red gown that clashed violently with his hair. "What? Red's supposed to be sexy!"

"Let's just go before I start smelling like you guys," Leggy sighed, spritzing on some Chanel No. 5 and strutting out in his heels. As they got in the limo to go to school the driver gave them weird looks, especially to Gimli as he looked like an orangutan, but said nothing as the boys immediately discussed their plan to get in.

"See? I told you it would work!" Pippin cried triumphantly.

"We don't know for sure," Aragon warned. "Let's not count our chickens,"

"I had a pet chicken once," Gimli murmured dreamily. "But my mother ate him. I still miss little Clucky"

Pippin patted his back sympathetically, then slipped out of the limo and they all strutted proudly into the school.

"HEY GUYS!" They all turned to see their friends/dates. Frodo and Sam were practicing their dance steps with each other. Merry grinned in his tux (having won the coin toss and not having to wear a dress), but Smeagol and Gimli shrieked in horror at each other because both of them were in dresses.

"I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO WEAR THE DRESS!" They both shouted at each other.

"DIDN'T YOU GET MY MEMO?" Gimli roared

"DIDN'T YOU GET MINE?" Smeagol shrieked back.

"GUYS!" Merry got between them and pried them apart. "The notice only said at least one person was to wear a dress. We have the dresses, let's go!"

With that they resumed strutting to the bouncer of the evening.

"OI! WHY'D YOU GUYS BRING AN ORANGUTAN?" He shrieked in laughter. "THE THEME IS UNDER THE SEA!"

"Oh don't worry about it," Professor Gandalf's smooth, chipper voice cut in. "Don't you know orangutans are excellent scuba divers?" he turned to the boys. "Run along little monkeys!"

"I think Gandalf hit the mead a bit early tonight," Frodo whispered. "Here," he gave Eowyn the official invites. She nodded and opened the door.

"Wow they really trussed up the place," Sam commented. The gym hall that everyone (except for Aragon) had been murdered several times over in was now an underwater wonderland. They had delicately set streamers up to look like willowy coral reefs and the white and sky blue balloons really did seem like they were air bubbles.

"Who cares about the colours? I just want snacks" Aragon muttered

Eowyn snuck up behind them with a plate of oysters. "Try these then – these oysters are imported from the South of France, super expensive and super fresh!"

"You sure they're not imported from Arwen's nose?" Merry smirked. "They look like giant boogers."

Pippin gulped one down and pulled a face. "They taste like giant boogers too. OW!" Eowyn had discreetly stamped her stiletto on his foot as Arwen walked past haughtily, arm in arm with one of the jocks who looked like he had swallowed about 5 of the booger-oysters.

"Enjoying your time here?" Arwen smiled sickly.

"Hey bro, what's up?" The jock hi-fived Aragon and gave him a brohug. "Last night's My Little Pony, did you watch?"

"Duh!" Aragon cried. "Fluttershy is officially the STARE MASTER!"

Everyone looked at the squealing teenagers from their spots, and Arwen facepalmed.

"I hope you're enjoying the evening, then?" Arwen turned to the boys. "And the oysters?"

"What? Oh, sure," Leggy shrugged. "It's alright,"

"Alright? It's FABULOUS!" Gimli danced around, holding a glass of what looked like the mead Professor Gandalf had been drinking. "ABSOTIVELY POSILUTELY FAB!"

"Um, thanks," Arwen scooted away from him. "But the best part is yet to come," she smirked. "We'll see who gets elected for the King and Queen of the Dance," she turned. "Come, Faramir,"

"OKIDOKILOKI!" The jock bounced after her. "See ya brony!" he waved at Aragon, who waved back.

"I don't like the sound of King and Queen of the Dance" Leggy murmured to Aragon. "I wonder what she's planning,"

"Well, whatever it is, you won't be alone" Aragon slipped an arm around him and quickly kissed him on the cheek, making Eowyn's nostril flood with blood.

"Yeah, we're all in this together!" Merry piped up while trying to hold back Gimli. "If she tries anything we'll take care of it."

"HEM HEM!" Professor Gandalf coughed into the microphone. "Hello children,"

"HIYA PROFESSOR GANDALF!" Everyone chorused back

"Now, Arwen has encouraged me to announce the King and Queen of the Dance already," he went on demurely. "However before I do so, I'd just like to announce my love…" he whipped out a pair of tongs. "FOR CRABS!" With that he started dancing around with the tongs and sang a hoedown at the top of his voice:

"To live under the sea is my one true wish

But not as a human, I want to be this fish

Oh to be this fish would be totally fab

What I wouldn't give so that I could be a crab!"

The crowd clapped politely as he bowed politely. However they then roared in approval as Professor Saruman got up with a pair of plates and started to sing:

"Crabs are really nice, I'll give you that

But there is another fish that really takes the hat

This one has no eyes or ears, its poop looks like jam

Forget your crabs, I'd rather be a clam!"

The audience clapped as well, and Gandalf started pinching Professor Saruman with the tongs, leading the two teachers to start a crab-clam war on stage. The bouncer and Faramir quickly got up and pried them apart, leaving the stage clear for Arwen and her envelope.

"Hi guys!" she beamed to the crowd. "I know you're waiting for this – the most important event of the night!"

"THE BUFFET?" Gimli roared, followed by a chorus of many agreements from the others.

"NO!" Arwen snapped. "The King and Queen of the Dance!" she giggled, opening the envelope. "Let's start with the King…" she opened the first envelope.

"Bet you it's you," Pippin muttered to Aragon, who shushed him with a grin.

"ARAGON!"

"Told you," he nodded, and Aragon walked up to receive the rather tacky-looking golden crown. Arwen quickly tried to kiss him on the cheek but he backed away too quickly.

"And now," Arwen brushed it off. "The queen!" she opened the other envelope.

"Bet you it's her" Merry muttered to Leggy, who shushed him with a grin.

"ME!"

An awkward silence followed, as everyone looked at Leggy, Arwen with a particularly nasty look on her face. She strutted up to her ex boyfriend and started primping for the camera shot that would be on the cover of their yearbook. Legolas stood there in shock and his face fell as he remembered – the King and Queen would have to kiss…

"WAIT!" they heard the voice from backstage. Frodo ran out with his giant camera, and Sam followed with an equally giant box. "GUYS WAIT! THE VOTE'S BEEN FIXED!"

"WHAT?" The audience cried. "ARWEN'S A CHEAT!"

"OH NO I'M NOT!" Arwen shrieked

"OH YES YOU ARE!"

"OH NO I'M NOT!"

"OH YES YOU ARE!"

"OH NO I'M NOT!"

"Arwen," Arwen wheeled around to face Aragon. "It's over. Move on."

Arwen's bottom lip quivered in rage. "THIS SCHOOL'S A BUNCH OF IDIOTS AND FAGS!" She screamed, turned and stamped out the door. A couple of other girls followed her, but everyone else just stood in silence while waiting for the real Queen to be announced.

"THE REAL QUEEN IS…"


End file.
